My paraphrase of the first act of King Lear

Goneril (horrid name by the way): I love you more than life itself; my love even leaves me "speechless," which is ironic in this context.
Lear: We in the royal sense bless you and your children, which is also ironic considering that We will curse your womb sterile in act 1, scene 4.

Regan: (What she said) x infinity!
Lear: We bless you too. Cordelia, tell Us what We want to hear! Lie to Us, We will believe you!
Cordelia: I love you like a daughter should--enough. Also, if my sisters supposedly love you so much, why did they even get married?
Lear: (startled so much he stops using the royal we) Curses be upon you, girl--you get nothing! We would sooner embrace a barbarian than call you daughter. You are base and I hate you!
Kent: . . .
Lear: Shut up! I wanted her to take care of me, boohoo. (Go away Cordelia.) "We" want all the benefits of power with none of the responsibilities.
Kent: . . .
Lear: Get out of my way, Kent!
Kent: (attempts to take an arrow through the heart for Cordelia)
Lear: Die vagrant!
Kent: To kill one's doctor is to let the disease get the upper hand!
Lear: you are thus exiled! If you return, we will kill you and you will die!
Kent: Bye, King! Good luck Cordelia! Sisters, act like you speak! I am away! (exit)

Burgundy and France enter. Lear informs them of Cordelia's lack of a dowry.

France: Wow, what she did must have been really horrible for you to hate her so much in this short span of time.
Cordelia: Dad, I'm not a fake, I'm real. Actions speak louder than words and all that.
Lear: you live to please me, worm. Since you didn't, you might as well have never been born!
France: She loves you so much that words cannot express it. Burgundy, she is so valuable. Do you want her?
Burgundy: No.
France: I love you, let's away! You are a queen now!
Lear: I have disowned her. No blessings upon her, or upon her womb for that matter. (exit all but France, Cordelia, and sisters)
France: Say bye to your sisters.
Cordelia: I see through you both. You'd better make good on your words.
Regan: Don't tell us what to do.
Goneril: I will now insult you with alliteration! Wa wa wa!
(France and Cordelia exit)

Sisters agree that something must be done before Lear does stuff to them.